Suff's Recipes: Chocolate-Espresso Smoothie

Before anything: Here's an online happy birthday, Fil! 21 this year, huh? So many more years to go, so many more people to help. But if you ever need help, I'm here alright?
I think over these years you've proven me that we can go worlds apart and yet there'll always be that little something to bind us in friendship. Hey, you're funny and intelligent, so I'm not gonna complain about whatever it is that binds us. You deserve to be happy (:

It's half an hour after Filza's birthday, which makes it 12:30am on the 5th of February 2007, Malay Peninsula Standard Time. So I sit myself down in front of my computer, and let my mind drift to Filza. When I think of Filza, I think of making the world a better place. When I think of making the world a better place, I think of killing acid jazz musicians. When I think of killing acid jazz musicians, I think of broken violins. When I think of broken violins, I think of garbage cans. When I think of garbage cans, I think of the Evil Garbage Banglaman. Which makes me think of running. Which makes me think of nutrition. Which makes me present to you this recipe which would appease both your taste buds and the Olsen Twin in you. And at the same time provide enough energy for you to run away from that Evil Garbage Banglaman. Also, if you're into chocolate and bananas like me, this will definitely be your cup of tea. I mean, cup of smoothie.

Chocolate-Espresso Smoothie

8 ounces chocolate yoghurt
2 large bananas (browned and frozen for texture and flavour)
2 shots espresso, chilled
2 cups of ice (for a thicker smoothie, add more ice)
1 dozen chocolate-covered espresso beans

Place half of yoghurt plus all remaining ingredients in a blender. Puree until smooth.
Then add remaining yoghurt to that mix and pulse until smooth.
(At my first attempt, I added all the yoghurt into the mix at the start, and the mixture was too thick to blend easily. My blender was overworked like a Chinese poster-maker under the Communists.)
Serves two.

As an advocate of all alternative groups' right to exist, I also created an alternative recipe for those who want the exact opposite effects of the Chocolate-Espresso Smoothie. Goth chicks, cutters and screamos, drink your heart out...

Escolate-Chopresso Roughie

3kg rocks
1/4m plank teak
1 chocolate bar wrapper, any brand
2 shots of espresso shot 2 times, bullets unremoved
1 banana with statue of monkey grabbing it attached
1 cup of Russian woman's testicles

Place all the ingredients in a blender, and puree until blender malfunctions (usually after a few nanoseconds).
Then place blender (with ingredients still inside) into a bag, and drop it from the tenth floor. (The building you're in should preferably have at least ten floors).
Repeat until contents of bag look smooth.
Serves two acid jazz musicians.