Mat, Sial

There are many kinds of Asians in well, Asia. We've got Chinese Asians, Korean Asians, Indian Asians, Japanese Asians, Cauc Asians; the whole lot. They're efficient, productive and their economies are brilliant. Then, there are Mats.

To be politically correct, a Mat refers to a Malay dude. To be fucked up and to risk the wrath of racial harmony watchdogs, Mats are useless drug addicts with the financial stability of a garbage can. And the fashion sense of one, too.

Statiscally, Mats in Singapore have the highest divorce rates as compared to the other races. Other Singaporeans are likely to recite a weird story that goes like, "I was at the theatre with my wife when an old girlfriend came to where we were sitting and said 'hello'". The mat version would be, "Eh, that's nothing ah. The other day I was at the movies with my girlfriend when my wife came over and said 'hello', sial."

Those who understand the dynamics of racism would realise that Mat racism is similar to black racism. But Blacks can collect some dough selling black music. Reggae, hip-hop, rap and soul are all music that millions have gotten their groove on to. But who the fuck wants to groove to dangdut? Replace the Ds in dangdut with Bs and the T with an S and you get a concept worth selling. But dangdut? You might as well have marketed dengdengs to vegetarians.

See, at least Blacks are doing well, without a doubt, in America. White people want to be black people. Only in this age of black acceptance has 'dude' and 'motherfucker' even been said in the same breath. It's disgusting, but hey, it's a reflection of the times. Mats, however, can't do shit in America. The only job they're qualified for is snow-shovelling. But the problem with Mats is that they're always trying to be different. They'd start thinking, "All those teenage American kids probably got those snow-shovelling gigs before me. So why don't I go one step ahead of those punk bitches and snow-shovel when they're away on holiday in summer?"

Above all this, Mats can turn violent and destructive when given a righteous enough cause to follow. Other Asians don't do this. When Mats go bad, you get Al-Qaeda and Jemaah Islamiyah. When other Asians go bad, the worst you'd get is 5566.

You gotta love those Chinese sons of bitches, man. They look like Russian female swimmers on steroids and sound like they've got the same swimmers up their asses, but at least they're happy people just wanting to make people smile with their song and dance routines. They fail miserably in most contexts but hey, they try.

Before I end, I must tell you I am Malay and I'm a lazy bugger of one, and I have nothing against most of the people who are of the same race as me, but some of them really need more brains and pants that are wider around the calf area. I am sorry if I offended anybody (which I'm sure I did) but some people really need that head check. Other than that, peace out and Happy Fasting everybody.

P.S, Sorry Victor, on behalf of that dumbass drunkard Mat who vomitted on your back. God knows what he was doing drinking during Ramadhan of all months, but hey, wrong things happen all the time. Look at Nazir's face. Mistakes are everywhere, baby.