Okay these aren't really the 10 most wrong things in the world, but they're the top 10 subjects I'd like to critically analyze for now.
10. The nursery rhyme: Ding dong bell/Pussy in the well
9. Techno music
8. Mary Carey the porn star
7. Mary Carey the politician
6. Wendy Cheng vs. Sarong Party Girl (Sarong Party Girl all the way man! Open liberal views over blogger-who-criticizes-her-own-kind anytime! Everybody should be happy with the world around them and not prove themselves so much)
5. The word 'girdle'
4. David Beckham in a girdle.
3. Women who say a man is not a man, when they've never been men to start with. Unless they're referring to say, Boy George.
2. Men who call a woman who's not Tracy Chapman 'manly', or other words to that effect. Because if you really look at it, women who are non-feminine are not that manly, either.
And the most wrong thing that exists in this world is...
1. Examinations. Not only is it the only most-wrong thing that has most-wrong things in it (especially when it comes to my papers), but it follows you EVERYWHERE. From school to national service, examinations have been a right bitch blocking that road to slackhood and a proper nirvana.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Friday, June 03, 2005
[Uno] Fracture Lecture: Based On A True Story
The School Of Infantry Specialists' Multi-Purpose Hall currently served one purpose: To contain a lot of dust. Supposedly, it was to serve another purpose, which was to hold, well, a lecture on fractures. Unfortunately there was one thing missing that allowed the existence of a lecture, and that is listeners. Sure, there were people, but there weren't any listeners. It was like a speech by a school principal.
This was what was supposed to happen: The combat medic, a sergeant by rank, would informatively talk to the Infantry Specialists trainees about fractures and how to treat them. The trainees, with the patriotic fire of national servicemen burning deep within their hearts, would pay full attention. They would take down notes, both mental and on paper, so that when their motherland is on the verge of defilement from external threats, they are able to be at the peak of their military capabilities, both offensive and defensive (i.e, treating wounds of their fellowmen), so as to retain the independence their forefathers have so righteously fought for.
Tragically, none of that happened. Most of the trainees - the sane ones, at least - were either asleep, falling asleep or chronically bored. The medic did talk informatively, but it was not the Nelson Mandela kind of speech that made people voluntarily listen.
Little did he know that not much later, it could have cost him his life.
Among the trainees there was The Special One - Suffian Hakim. At first glance, you'd start questioning the sanity of whoever gave him the calling. There was nothing special about him. He was taller than most, and dark too, but not in a tragic manner. It was due to his skin tone, actually. But well, tall and dark-skinned was common fare in these halls. What was special about him was the turmoil within him.
He was bored. As hell.
He tried listening. He couldn't register much of what the medic was trying to impart, due to pure cerebral inactivity...
Medic: "A fracture is defined as a condition in which your bones well, fracture..."
Suffian's inner voice: "Man I am so fucking bored. The fuck is this guy talking about anyway. He's a pudgy little teddywanker isn't he?"
Some guy beside Suffian, to another guy next to him: "Oi! Wake up! They say we gonna be tested later liao!"
The other guy: "HAH? Really? Nabei! They never tell us earlier lor!"
Mr. Tight Underwear: "Just don't sleep hor! Later kena confine your chiobu cry."
The other guy: (Laughs like a moron) "Ha hur ha ha hur hur"
Suffian's inner voice: "I'm surrounded by idiots."
Medic: ".... A green stick fracture..."
Suffian's inner voice: "Is when The Hulk's penis breaks..."
Medic: "...Is when the inside of your bones break."
Mr. Tight Underwear: "Wah fuckin er sing (is that how you spell it?) 'or!"
Suffian could not take it anymore. Chronic boredom and the desperate need for correct English collided, and the sparks produced lit a bright ethereal flame within Suffian's heart. All that negative energy was so negative, magic was produced to counter it and maintain the logical balance of the Earth.
Alas, Suffian is not learned in the ways of appropriately projecting his inner powers. The magic converted the foremost thing on his brain. It was unfortunate that at that time, Suffian was gazing upon the face of Mr. Tight Underwear, and therefore, he was thinking of lizards. With a blinding flash, the nearest fan that was attached to the walls of the hall transformed into a gargantuan lizard. Here's a file photo:
Only remove the armour and scale up the size of the lizard 50-fold. 'Vicious bite', however still applies and by its predatory crawl and hungry eyes, it looks as though the gargantuan lizard will very soon viciously bite the combat medic, unless Suffian can learn to use his powers for the greater good.
To be continued...
This was what was supposed to happen: The combat medic, a sergeant by rank, would informatively talk to the Infantry Specialists trainees about fractures and how to treat them. The trainees, with the patriotic fire of national servicemen burning deep within their hearts, would pay full attention. They would take down notes, both mental and on paper, so that when their motherland is on the verge of defilement from external threats, they are able to be at the peak of their military capabilities, both offensive and defensive (i.e, treating wounds of their fellowmen), so as to retain the independence their forefathers have so righteously fought for.
Tragically, none of that happened. Most of the trainees - the sane ones, at least - were either asleep, falling asleep or chronically bored. The medic did talk informatively, but it was not the Nelson Mandela kind of speech that made people voluntarily listen.
Little did he know that not much later, it could have cost him his life.
Among the trainees there was The Special One - Suffian Hakim. At first glance, you'd start questioning the sanity of whoever gave him the calling. There was nothing special about him. He was taller than most, and dark too, but not in a tragic manner. It was due to his skin tone, actually. But well, tall and dark-skinned was common fare in these halls. What was special about him was the turmoil within him.
He was bored. As hell.
He tried listening. He couldn't register much of what the medic was trying to impart, due to pure cerebral inactivity...
Medic: "A fracture is defined as a condition in which your bones well, fracture..."
Suffian's inner voice: "Man I am so fucking bored. The fuck is this guy talking about anyway. He's a pudgy little teddywanker isn't he?"
Some guy beside Suffian, to another guy next to him: "Oi! Wake up! They say we gonna be tested later liao!"
The other guy: "HAH? Really? Nabei! They never tell us earlier lor!"
Mr. Tight Underwear: "Just don't sleep hor! Later kena confine your chiobu cry."
The other guy: (Laughs like a moron) "Ha hur ha ha hur hur"
Suffian's inner voice: "I'm surrounded by idiots."
Medic: ".... A green stick fracture..."
Suffian's inner voice: "Is when The Hulk's penis breaks..."
Medic: "...Is when the inside of your bones break."
Mr. Tight Underwear: "Wah fuckin er sing (is that how you spell it?) 'or!"
Suffian could not take it anymore. Chronic boredom and the desperate need for correct English collided, and the sparks produced lit a bright ethereal flame within Suffian's heart. All that negative energy was so negative, magic was produced to counter it and maintain the logical balance of the Earth.
Alas, Suffian is not learned in the ways of appropriately projecting his inner powers. The magic converted the foremost thing on his brain. It was unfortunate that at that time, Suffian was gazing upon the face of Mr. Tight Underwear, and therefore, he was thinking of lizards. With a blinding flash, the nearest fan that was attached to the walls of the hall transformed into a gargantuan lizard. Here's a file photo:
Only remove the armour and scale up the size of the lizard 50-fold. 'Vicious bite', however still applies and by its predatory crawl and hungry eyes, it looks as though the gargantuan lizard will very soon viciously bite the combat medic, unless Suffian can learn to use his powers for the greater good.
To be continued...
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