24th July 1986: Earth is not a bad place. This woman whose womb I came out of decided to name me Suffian. So Suffian it is. Not a bad name at all for not a bad place.
24th July 1987: One year on Earth! Still trying to learn how to use this mouth thing I have.
24th July 1988: Decided to surprise these Earthlings a bit by getting onto my two feet and walking. They became very happy. Cheap-thrilled buggers.
9th Feb 1989: The birth of someone really lovely named GERMAINE GLENDA PEREIRA (a.k.a buttface MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA I am Suff and I have an IQ of 1391793641381.86).
24th July 1989: Can't celebrate third year today. Quantum physics theories filling my brain. Theory Of Relativity exam tomorrow.
24th July 1990: Germany won the World Cup for the third time. I had an erection for the three hundred and thirty-third time. Decided to say my first word in an Earth language not too long ago. Again, cheap-thrilled bastards.
24th July 1991: Sneaked out from kindergarten to attend my graduation at Harvard. A Doctorate in medicine is not worth anything...where I came from, but at least I can show it off and confound people. People will see it and they'll be like, "So you got it when you were...Five? What the fuck!? Are you alien or some supreme being or something!?" Oh they'll never know.... Heh. Heh. Heh.
24th July 1992: Dyed my hair green but with my psychic powers, made all these humans see it as black. Six years now..
24th July 1993: I turn 7, and I decide to choose it as my favourite number. No particular reason. Made a bunch of human beings think they hear Satan when they play a track backwards. These puny minds.
24th July 1994: Turned 8 today. Prevented global conflict, treated a kid with malaria. Run-of-the-mill stuff.
24th July 1995: Gave my famous, "I Have No Butt Hair, For I Am Pre-Pubescent" speech to a herd of giraffe. It was very well-received. Got free ride on Gerrard, Giraffe in-charge of Herd Entertainment.
24th July 1996: A decade. Lost my virginity to a blueberry pie.
24th July 1997: A few months ago, I met this individual named Nazir. Very humorous individual. As humans go, he's in a league of his own. That goes with all semblances of positive and negative implications that come with 'league of his own'.
24th July 1998: Recently I got enthralled by women. Oh beautiful specimens of human perfection. Four thousandth boner not too long ago. The onsets of puberty on this human vessel is killing my brain cells. As I write this, I can feel my IQ rapidly diminishing so fast. I have to stop this rapid slide in intelligence soon or I…I…I want cookie. Yum yum yum. Slide in intelligence! Whee! I go on top of slide. Then I slide down. Haha! Wheeeeee!! I want playground!
24th July 1999: First birthday in St. Joseph’s Institution. This place shows that Mother Earth was truly a great old lady. Wise, loving and familial. Familial is not a misspelling people. Well, familiar is also rather applicable in this context but the word I am looking for here is nonetheless ‘familial’. Thirteen is the first ever age anybody attains with the word ‘teen’ in it. Bet you didn’t know that huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Goodness, these hormones are making me stupid. The thing about being thirteen is that all those cute things you said as a kid are now going to be objected to judgement. Are the words that come out from your mouth funny? If so, you’re branded a clown for life. Are the words that come out from your mouth loud and rude? If so, you’re branded a rebel for life. Are the words that come out from your mouth inaudible? Heh heh heh, nerd. Ah, intelligence coming back. In fits and spurts though.
24th July 2000: Y2K kiss my ass. I turn 14 today. Still trying my best to rediscover my intelligence. Or is it back but I just failed to notice its return?
24th July 2001: Fifteen long years since I've last been to where I belong. I haven't heard from the place. Or seen it even. I feel more human than ever. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Horrible journey, good destination I guess.
24th July 2002: Sweet Sixteen is bittersweet...
24th July 2003: Seventeen! Seventeen! Seventeen! But got my foot stuck in a drain while out walking. It's really difficult to get my foot out.
24th July 2004: Finally managed to get my foot out of that drain.
24th July 2005: Guess I'll have to make Earth my home. Nineteen years here, and my intellect is becoming very very human. Celebrated today by performing a personal Arsh-Holdantoong coming-of-age ritual.
24th July 2006: Hahahaha! Tulis a surat rasmi babbbyyyy!!!
24th July 2007: It's not as romantic as it sounds but All De Airwaves are lovely.
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