Me And Random Retard In A Gruesome Engagement?
I recently talked to Rai about my views on marriage and it did prompt an overhaul in my attitudes towards the subject. Okay not really, but it did make me think. Why my vows of independence? Why my refusal to be tied down? Why does Liz Taylor get married multiple times anyway? Why did Michael Jackson marry a woman in Lisa Presley - a grown woman at that? Why did the chicken cross the road?
Besides, marriage is having a bad image currently. Rising divorce rates. Marriages held intact only by responsibilities and obligations (i.e, kids) and not true love. And Las Vegas, with those churches that hold instant weddings. It's frequented by alcoholics. I bet an alcoholic came up with the idea in the first place. Alcohol-induced marriages. Unexceedingly romantic...
Do I really think marriage is a bad idea? No. Marriage to a hateful paraplegic - yes. But marriage in general to somebody who complements you so well, no. So would I turn down the opportunity to be with somebody so perfect for me when it is time to bring our relationship to the next plateau? Ah, that's what I'm exploring here.
I used to think yes, I would turn it down. No way am I going to let some hussy take over the life I so greatly value - a value that will greatly diminish if I don't get to make my own decisions and have things my way. I mean, so what if we understand one another so well? So what if we've been through hell, and pulled out of it together? Chocolates and I understand one another really well - they continue tasting great, and I continue eating them. Does that mean I have to marry a bar of chocolates? Am I going to call a bar of Snickers 'honey' for a good many years of my life? Am I going to unwrap it and make sweet love to it?
I've been through hell with a bar of chocolates too. In this case, hell is in a van traversing the Malaysian highway. And it wasn't just any van - it was a van with a malfunctioning air-conditioner. So imagine the tropical Malaysian sunshine converting the van from a vehicle to an oven on wheels. Imagine how the people inside the van would feel. Imagine what would happen to a bar of Hershey's in my pocket. It melted - a gooey blob of sweetness, cocoa and chocolate chips. I was irritated to the ends of fuck, and I was absolutely fuming when I discovered the state my Hershey's was in. Not thinking straight, I opened the wrapper, and practically licked the melted chocolate off. And unbelievably, even in that time of dread and dire consequence, my understanding with chocolates was unfaltering. It tasted fantastic. And I ate it. Well, more of licked. But it went into my mouth nevertheless, tasting absolutely divine.
Could I have that kind of relationship with a woman?
Perhaps. Thing is, chocolates aren't going to look at me and wonder if I'll be a good father to their kids (and it would be freaky if I had children who have my eyes, and Hershey's facial structure). And by that virtue, a relationship with a human woman would be more challenging, and thus far more meaningful. Mind you, I see my relationship with chocolates as very fucking meaningful as it is.
But I guess it has to be the right woman. I'm not fussy when it comes to dating, but it has to be the perfect woman you spend forever with. Some guys are getting it so wrong. Some are marrying the wrong woman, who happen to be in the right moment. Some are marrying women who'd make perfect dates, but not-so-perfect wives. Some are marrying women because they are women. It was like Marriage got bitten by a radioactive George Bush and became retarded.
But it's in talking to a girl like Rai that you gain alternative perspectives.
And I realise, marriage is not just about a woman making you choose between her and the guys. Marriage is not just about quarrels over the littlest things.
It is also a sharing of secret stars that twinkle in the endless night sky of your heart.
It is an eternity of emotion-laden eye contact.
It is the ultimate in connection with another human being - emotional, sexual, mental.
It is writing stuff like the above and not feeling gay at all.
So is marriage for me? Maybe. Maybe not. But my mind's wide open to it right now.
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