Test The System!: Secret Cameras

You know when you're in a public toilet and you're doing something rather shady (i.e, smoking, playing with yourself, looking into your toilet bowl post-business, etc.)? Suddenly, you'll remember those espionage movies where secret cameras are located where you least expect them (some random woman's brooch, on an umbrella, on the wall of a toilet). And, especially if you're in Internal-Security-Act Singapore, you'd start feeling very nervous. Would government agents find you, and slap a hefty fine, or jail sentence, on you for abnormal behaviour in public? Or are those CCTV cameras just a thing of your imagination?

Let's find out.

I devised a plan to test the system in camp. During office hours, I headed to the toilet, and executed it. I locked the toilet door in the process, to ensure that I was not interrupted in the middle of my experiment.

I went into a cubicle, at first taking off my pants and standing in front of the toilet bowl as though I was gonna piss into it. Then with a sudden, dramatic jerk, I jumped and turned, and started wiggling my hips, my penis in full view of the camera, if there was one. I opened my cubicle door, and started strutting around the toilet. Then i jumped onto the sink, and did the macarena, finishing it with a Michael-Jackson-esque crotch-grab.

Later that day when I headed for lunch, I went to speak to my Camp Commander, to see if he reacts to me...differently. That would be a definite sign that he had been spying on me in the toilet through a secret camera.

I went to him and said, "Good afternoon, sir!"

Not betraying anything suspicious, my commander replied, "Good afternoon, Suffian! How's things?"

I said, "Good, good. I have something to ask you sir. About our toilets..." I emphasised toilets the way a shady vcd dealer would emphasise 'locally-made videos'.

Calmly, smoothly, he said, "Yeah what about them?"

I chose my words carefully. "They're kind of dirty, aren't they?"

My commander looked genuinely disappointed in hygiene issues, and said, "Okay I'll look into it. Enjoy your lunch."

Darn. So that proves it, then. Secret cameras aren't installed in toilets. If they aren't installed even in a military facility, what more elsewhere?

This is Suffian, signing out after proving that another urban myth is in fact, just a myth.