Test The System!: Bar Soap Dropping

Greetings dear reader!

Are you frustrated at yourself because you always keep things in? Are there a lot of pent-up emotions in you? Is there something you've always wanted to try but you just can't seem to find the time (cowardspeak for balls) to? Is there something you've always wanted to say, but were too afraid of a non-positive response? Well, do what you want in life through me!

In Test The System!, I will attempt to do things socially unacceptable, or socially abnormal. I will walk into Armani Exchange and ask them what I can buy with thirty cents. I will go clubbing and try to pick up a guy. Okay no wait I won't do that.

But I will try, and along the way find out what is really wrong with our society. Even if it means disrupting public peace.

My first experiment involves a bar of soap. It was performed a few months ago.
Harmless-looking now, but when placed on the floor of a shower room, can cause serious mental and physical damage.

Location? The shower room of a certain military camp, which for security reasons, shall remain unnamed.

I'm sure you've all heard of the fallen bar soap legend. There was once a bar soap that was held tightly in the hands of a military man. He was naked, in a shower room, with many others who were also military personnel. Suddenly, the bar of soap slipped from his hand, and fell upon the moist shower room floor. He Who Had The Soap bent over to pick it up, only to be sodomized from behind by one of the military personnel. Or more than one, if you have a sexual orientation like Elton John's.

The legend speaks of the desperation of uneducated military men. It tells of their desperate need for sexual intercourse, to the point that the anus of another man would suffice.

My experiment began one tuesday evening while I showered with an entire host of military personnel. We were all naked, and were stealing sneak peeks at each other's angklungs. Usually, that was where the homosexuality ends.

Then I tested the system, and the credibility of the Bar Soap-Dropping Legend. Bar soap in hand, I made that a reality no longer.

Bar soap no longer in hand.

"Oops," I said aloud in my best attempt at a homosexually attractive voice. "I dropped my soap."

I brought the gay level up one notch by adding, "Tee hee."

I tried to make my voice huskier as I said, "I'm going to bend over and pick it up now." I crossed my legs, right in front of left, before bending over to pick up the bar of soap..

I prepared for my anus to be trespassed.

Nothing happened. I turned around to look at my potential buggerers.

"Suffian, you need help picking it up?" one asked, perfectly helpful and heterosexual.

"Err...No thank you. Sure there's nothing else you want to help...me...with?"

"No, I guess."

Bah! The legend is not true. Not in Singapore at least, where the PES system has categorized us into different levels of physical fitness and sexuality.

This is Suffian. I have tested the system, and in the case of the Soap Bar-Dropping Legend, let us replace the word 'Legend' with 'Myth'.

Peace out.