Peeling My Onions

Just Think About It: People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people

I'm Suffian Hakim.
When I left SJI, I entered a world so immensely confusing.
But I entered with a lot of friends.
I was comfortable.
So CJC rocked. People believed in me.
It was magic.
SAJC's first year was rather blessed.
Second year... I always wished I was somewhere else. Even though I had lots of friends.
It was immensely confusing. I wanted to be elsewhere, and soar.
But people all around were pulling at my feet - they wanted to cement it to the ground
Maybe that's not the person I'm supposed to be
Strong people who do not understand me turn me off.
I try to make it work with them, but that's the thing about people of strength.
Their opinions never change. They see it as being themselves.
I see it as a blindness that'll get them moping the rest of their lives.
Strength will not last.
Doubts can...
I have strong doubts.
You know what'll last?
My style. So don't cramp it.

I want to be somewhere else.
Helping people. Improving their lives.
I want to go to Africa.
And help build the country. Rally its people.
And leave everything here.
No more expectations.
No more performances for self-proclaimed judges.
No more complications. No more making efforts to make things work.
A place where I dont feel like I'm constantly being peeled like an onion.
I can take it all. But I don't want to waste my time being judged.
I dont want to waste my time hearing other people mope.
I dont want to waste my time hearing other people judge.
I want to spend my time making people smile.
Don't cramp my style.

I can hear someone crying. It is distant. Yet it is only downstairs.
I sense another person in despair. It is the person within.
My independence does two things to me:
It strengthens me, clearing my mind, and putting aside all that clutters my mind.
And it brings out to me the faults in others.
Some I embrace. Most, actually.
Some just make me want to break things.

Africa will come, I promise.
First up, Malaysia.
I bet you want to tell me to study first, or something that would greatly reflect your immense maturity and experience in life.
I bet I asked, didn't I?
I bet I was too dumb to think of it.
I bet some of you are feeling guilty right now.
I bet some of you don't care.
It doesn't matter who this entry is for.
It breaks the flow of my blog.
Like how the flow of my life is being broken now.