Before The Last Stop, continued

"Gandhi's busy right now, and no, you won't get to see her again," Zack said with a sympathetic shudder that seemed to come from his core.

My heart dropped. All the way to the little toe in my right foot, where it proceeded to a corner and started talking incoherently to itself. I felt a residue of indignity at Zack intruding into my thoughts again, but it was quickly overwhelmed by my profound dejection.

"I'm sorry if I'm intruding into your thoughts again, causing you to feel a residue of indignity quickly overwhelmed by your profound dejection," Zack the apple apologised in a voice smooth as silk, but deep like Dolly Parton's cleavage.

"No it's okay," I told him (if apples had sexual organs, Zack sounded like he had male genitalia). "You can't help it, I guess."

Zack whispered, "Actually, I could," to himself. I chose to ignore it. My mind was not working. Perhaps due to the lack of a physical brain. Even so, all I could think of was her. Which meant my mind was working, but not in the get-out-of-this-sticky-situation way I wanted. There was a fresh, sudden pain in my being as I thought of her. There and then, I knew I longed for her like the desert longs for the scent of roses. I missed her, and it gave me pain, and it took away my focus.

"....Drama bitch," Zack whispered audibly again.

With unfamiliar mental strength I pushed thoughts of her aside, and set about finding a way to get out of here. I mean, sure, whoever painted the place did an immaculate job. And if someone siphoned the place I was in onto canvas, he'd be hailed as a great artist. However, living in the netherworld alone with an apple who reads your mind aren't exactly brilliant living conditions. Then again, I'm not exactly in a condition where I actually live.

"Alright Zack," I said in my most hollow voice. "Tell me what I need to know about this place."

Zack paused. "This is the Netherworld - "

"Yes, and I have a 12-inch penis. I know that. Get to the point man. Where do I go from here? Is God going to receive me? Must I go to the toilet ever again?" My patience had died with my body. My curiousity seemed immortal. So was my love -

Zack was a peculiar apple. In response to my barrage of questions, he said this: "Hey erm, man, I have to go now. Erm, so erm, AAAARRGGHHHH!!!"

Zack the apple - for want of a better word - bounced off.

"A doctor a day keeps the apple away maan!" somebody said in a crisp Jamican accent. I turned to face the wayward philosopher. He was a tall, lean black man with an afro shocker on his head. He wore the pristine white coat of a doctor, which contrasted nicely with his skin tone and hair. He wore the pristine white coat of a doctor. Only.

"Me Tha Doctor maan. Legaliiize!" He introduced himself, offering sagely advice in the process. "Now, don't listen to tha apple. He reads minds, maan, burt cun nev-ar read a situa-shaan."

"You don't look like you went to Med School, man." I told Tha Doctor.

"Beeh, Med School, Schmed School. The only thing me know about medicine ees medicinal marijuana." Tha Doctor then sobered up suddenly. "Mi come here fi drink milk, mi noh come here fi count cow."

"What tha fuck?"

"It's jamaicaa talk maan, for let's do bees-knees." First, he was a doctor, now a businessman. "Ju wanna get out of heer and see your lovey-dovey gal eh?"

"If that's netherworld med school talk for 'I wanna get out of here and see the girl I love', yes I do."

"Actually eet means ju wanna Marilyn Monroe as your personal gal heer in tha netherworldly netherworld."

I pondered for a moment. "No it's okay," I sighed finally. "It'll feel wrong."

"Well, I was just eating yo corn maan," Tha Doctor said, and burst into hysterical laughter.

I hung my head and shuffled away, feeling stupid and helpless. "I'll be exploring this place man," I said dejectedly. It only served to intensify Tha Doctor's laughter. Laughter might be the best medicine, but Tha Doctor looked like he had an acute overdose. I knew why he laughed more. There wasn't much to explore here, unless you're the kind to appreciate how white fades into the same shade of white, into the same shade of white, into the same shade of white....

Suddenly, and with the ferocity of a lion, Tha Doctor was attacked. By
Sensitivity and Undertsanding. "Alright, little wun. Me help you. Me can do for you one of three thingos. Technically, mi can do all three thingos for you, but that would be giving dee chick-un too much pepsi juice now wont it."

All I could say was, "I guess..."

"Good," Tha Doctor said with a warm smile. "Now listen..."